Just now was impactful . Its the first time I broke down that badly after I experienced God . My whole eyes are red . He allows me to be tempted, yet grants me the strength to overcome it, attain forgiveness from Him and find joy in his grace He'd shown me . Through this incident, I've experienced His power and all greatness!! Praise the Lord, all glory goes to Him =)
Okay this part is random, but I wish to say I really like my class, DBF/FT/1A/02, now . Bunch of really nice ppl .. smart, caring and everything . I dunnoe if I can survive next academic yr when I might have to change class again . I dislike changing classes, or rather, I dislike changes . I just like to remain status quo in my own cozy environment . The feeling of getting to know brand new ppl again is like .. Hais . That's just me . But well, I'll try to change . I don't like my results . 2As, 2Bs, 1C .. The C, especially, ruins everything . It's like totally pathetic, omg . I just have to work harder and smarter next time I guess. Cya .. I guess its time for mii to sleep =)
Seriously .. Utterly disappointed . Alot of other emotions also overwhelmed me just now .
On another note, this one person is the first person that nearly make me tear today in a public transport (MRT) . Its not because ur presence was there (in which you wasn't in the 1st place) , but because of the actions u've done earlier .
*If anyone hv any idea who I'm referring to, it would be nice to just keep it to yourself . Thanks .*
To sum it all, I'm actually quite an emotional person (ISFP) . I strongly believe that I've split personality and wears a 'mask' most of the time . I'm sick and tired of hanging a fake smile on my face ..
What exactly is the reason??????????????????????
I seriously feel so lost ..
This has been by far one of the most Meaningful holidays for me . Learnt a couple of new and impt things in life . I love Navigators family and of course, God Himself . Give thanks to Him for my perfect results .. I've nothing more to ask for other than maintaining status quo in my academic studies .
In everything, Praise the Lord =)
Class chalet, its pretty enjoyable . Really . Through this, I actually get to see the actual personality and characteristics of my fellow classmates . Also, it is this chalet that actually make me see the clear and distinct difference between the 2 goups . That is undenyable, seriously huge huge difference between them . Well, 'birds of the same feather flogs together' .. How true . Sometimes its really amazing how people 'clicks' with one another, knowing that they are of similar wavelength, right from the beginning they meet each other . I guess that's basic human instinct . My peers are ALL very nice people though.
I realised my blog's post are usually flooded with people and self orientated stuffs . Haha .. As usual, I'm still very much to myself. High chances are because of the secret . I'm not intending to let it out, but it would be best to let known, providing there isn't any back firing effect between friends .
What more can I ask for? DBF/FT/1A/02 rocks, especially those in my clique =)
I feel that it's so hard to revive a blog after it was left inactive for such a long long time . Most of the regular readers will be lost as they won't know I have a blog anymore ..
I'm jus uploading some random stuffs as I just can't get to sleep now . I'm unusually alert and only God knows why =)
Seriously seriously miss my iphone 3Gs 32GB .. I see so many ppl using it . Once upon a time, I use to have it too but now .. Gone . It's barely a month old, I still harbour thoughts of getting it back ):
DANIEL!!! A classmate of mine . So damn comical . He practically made mii LOL and LMAO every single day with his sick yet amusing jokes . Kind of entertaining sometimes ^^
Chen Li Ping (the actress) sitting on a bench in a 'sleeping buddha' position .
Without doubt, I LOVE BADMINTON . If I can go back to the past, I will definitely grab hold of any opportunity thrown to mii to do well in this sport . I didn't treasure the opportunity then in p3, I didn't excel in it, I have completely no motivation and I totally don't wish to do well in this area of sport then . All i can say is .. regret .
I feel more and more screwed up . How?? I feel that I'm lagging so much in life . I feel that I'm good in nothing . Things that I want to do, stuffs that I want to be good at .. I can't do them .
It seems so easy to others, sometimes, I practice (in all aspects) as hard, or even more than others, but why they can do it and why can't I? Is it because I'm not putting in enough effort? Or, I didn't put in my heart and soul in doing things? Or is it simply because, I'm born stupid and just somehow inferior compared to the people around me?
I lack in all the '-ships' . I'm just feeling so sad . I really don't know what am I living for now . What's my aim in life?? Most people already build a strong foundation for themselves, have aims and stuffs . I hardly have any .
I see the smiles on people's faces . Their photos, their beautiful life they are leading . But, how about me? Mine's no where close to theirs . I'm also a human . I want those life just as everybody want to . But why is this happening to most people except for me? Why must I be the unlucky one? Life is so unfair, I don't want to be born like this . I don't have a choice . I'm seriously so envious, and jealous .
I don't know what my future lies .. what will I be like 20 yrs down the road . Will I be a father?? What job career will I be in? I don't dare to think . I'm already 17, if this thing doesn't improve, I really don't know what to do . I have no idea how this is going to carry on . It can't drag on forever . Everybody are already in those stuffs, yet, I'm not . Not that I don't to, not that I don't have the ability to do so, but I can't . To do that is just not me, and to be me is just not normal .
I'm a deep thinker . That's an undenyable fact . Smiles that I wear everyday when I step out of the house, how often are they real? If any of you think it reflects the happiness inside me, think again . Don't even try asking how often I cried myself to sleep . People like me, with skeletons in their closet, needs privacy more than others . We don't like to be Exposed (in EVERY sense of the word) . I'm really quite a fragile person inside . Seriously . I'm just putting up a strong front . Penetrate the surface, and chances are I will die . I don't wish to be a hypocrete, but sometimes, I'm forced to be . Nevertheless, I will try not to . I can be quite frank and blunt sometimes, calling a spade a spade . But that's just me . However if I treat you as a friend, I really will do, and I mean it . Seriously, that's my attitude now . I don't know why, but I just changed so much over the years .
Do everybody think like this? Or is it just me? I think I'm not normal, I'm just a pile of bullshit .
I'm really sorry for lying to everyone .
Feeling so screwed up now, seriously . Screw my entire life .
Will be playing bowling later at 1pm .
Work at NTUC was alright I suppose . At least, I got a first hand experience how work is like . Haha ..
Now I really dun know what to do ... freakin bored . Hope time quickly flash to 1pm (:
